Pardon me while I burst. Yup. Incubus. Great band who are oddly in touch with what I feel like doing at this particular time. I need to get out of this house or I'm literally going to explode. I need to go and surround myself with people who feel normal and are normal instead of sitting in this tiny apartment stewing my juices being tempermental, emotional and insane. There is a lot of bullshit, a lot of things I wish I had done or said or ignored that are coupled with all the things that I did not do or say or ignore. There are regrets, wishes and a lot of pent up, passive-aggressive fuck-ups that seems to come creeping in at the most inopportune time reminding me of things I wanted and lost.
===
Who knew that a drive to Sydney would have such an effect? Do I miss having a family so much that I can become broken-hearted simply by passing through the town where we had spent so much time together? I guess the answer would be yes. I guess I'm just not ready to let go of hope yet. I suppose that I just can't let the idea of having my family all together again slip out of my grasp just yet, not now. Is that a bad thing? Is it horrible to hang onto hope like that?? I wish I could just loosen the grip and let it fade away. Suck it up, pull it in, grab the freedom and move on. Date again?? No fucking way. I'm done for now. I'm still pretty broken, burned and bitter and there is no way on this green earth I'm ready for it. It's going to take one hell of a man to make me turn my head.
===
Those of you who know my story probably think I'm completely insane right now and you know, you're probably right.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Come on...let me know what you think... or just follow me on twitter @blueallieboo and rant to me there ;)