"The Contract" -- Definitely Not for Under 18

Two very close friends of mine are also two very insane friends of mine. They both decided that they're going to sneak around behind everyone's back to be together for mutual use of the their no-no places, keep most of us in the dark (even though WE ALL KNOW about it) and tell only a couple of people when they want to tell a story that happened when they were alone together. This would be one of those stories....

***Keep in mind people, even though the story is somewhat real, the CONTRACT is an absolute JOKE.***

Picture it: Sydney, 2008. A small bedroom in a shady area of town. Miss X and Mr. Y are laying in bed together after another "secret" tryst; commenting on what just happened and both quite proud of their performances. Miss X explains that she likes pleasing Mr. Y orally and Mr. Y proceeds to tell her that she is very talented in that department. After a few "BJ" jokes, Mr. Y starts to giggle and tells Miss X that no matter who she dates, she is only allowed to use her talented mouth with him. Miss X in her pride, foolishness and light-headed afterglow agrees and suggests a contract to hold her to such a promise. Miss X and Mr. Y are quite proud of their new little joke and so, this blogger friend (being as foolish as the rest of them) has decided to assist them with their contract. Please find it below:

The affirming party, Miss X, hereby submits exclusive rights to the use, benefit and operation of her mouth to one Mr. Y for oral pleasure at his convenience but subject to her physical availability due to employment and family priorities. Mr. Y will be entrusted to properly care for and maintain Miss X's mouth, as listed in this contract during times of oral copulation.

Such contract is subject to further terms and conditions set forth by both parties and agreed to in writing. These amendments shall be attached in triplicate to the original signed contract. Concerns of misuse or neglect will be brought forth to a third-party conciliator to reach a resolution when no agreement can be made between Miss X and Mr. Y, with all meeting notes to be attached to original contract, in triplicate with a conciliation stamp. All conciliatory meetings are to be held in a place where Miss X (being the main aggressor for services thus far) can be comfortable enough to commence any use that she deems to have been being kept from her. At no point should the conciliator remain if any hanky-panky ensues with the exception of explicit invitation.

Congratulations Mr. Y in acquiring such a fundamental and beneficial part of the female anatomy for his exclusive benefit.

Congratulations are also in order for Miss X for being so talented and willing to use her talent for the betterment of her partner.

So, that's it. They're still laughing about it and now when they read this post, they'll have more to laugh at. Anyway, I'm off since two posts in one night is pretty draining and my dog has to go out one last time before bed anyway.

Goodnight crazies!!