Anyone have a bug net?

Butterflies?? What the hell is up with the butterflies?? Not the fly around in your backyard kind but the kind that flies around in your belly. I don't like them. I don't like the way they feel, it's weird and I can never interpret exactly what they mean.

Honestly though, you see someone every day, every single blessed day and yet, for some reason, the idea of them coming over for a visit ties your stomach up in knots. No, not with dread or fear but with excitement and anticipation. I don't like it. I should like it because it's not a bad thing but I don't want to because it might turn into a sad thing. Did that make any sense? No? I didn't think so. Maybe it did on some menstral-induced hormone insanity. (Sorry, I know you guys didn't need to know that.)

I'm sitting here and waiting and thinking about making a cup of tea to quell the nerves. They shouldn't be there, those horrible nerves fluttering around in my gut, giving me gas. I don't like them. I've been fighting with them but they're not seeming to go away. I'm hoping that a slight amount of caffeine hinted with a touch of sugar and milk might help. Blech. Any ideas on how to make these damn butterflies go away?? I feel like I'm fifteen for Christ's sakes!

I know, some of you are reading this and saying to yourselves, "dumbass, just talk about it." Well, the answer is no. Plain and simple - no. The only one word sentence in the English language - no. The reason? I'm not ready. Nowhere near ready. I don't want to jump feet first, I don't want put someone on the spot...mainly me. I'm not afraid of rejection, I've had enough to know that you get over it but I'm afraid of labels and definitions. You see, I'm having fun right now and I don't like the idea of sticking a label to or defining what exactly this is that I'm doing/experiencing. I'm having a good time with a good person who puts me at ease and a smile on my face. We have a very entertaining time together, at least it is for me (I try not to speak for other people cause I might be the most boring person on Earth), so I think I should just leave it at that.

You know, if anything comes out of this undefined, unclassified, brandless "thing" than that will be fantastic. What exactly do I want to come out of it?? I don't know, I like it fine just the way it is, thank you and now you can stop asking.