LIttle White Lies from a Purple Haired Lady

I'm hanging out at home for a little while today so I figured I'd get to bloggin'. Not sure exactly what I'm going to write about so I think I'll wing it. Wait...I always wing it. I don't think I ever really popped online to blog with a specific topic in mind. Maybe I did. I think I may be inhaling too much monkey farts....it's incense. I bought it from etsy.com which is my secret addiction.

Little Man Meatball is bouncing in his saucer and yelling. He is full of drool and I'm think I'll have to change his shirt for the fifth time today. The girls are upstairs cleaning their room. I feel bad because I told them that if they cleaned their room a rockstar might visit. Little White Lies. I'm sure I can convince them I'm a rock star. I mean, I do have a big tattoo and play a weird instrument (didgeridoo) and Miss Lily marvels at my ability to sing almost every song on TV/radio (it's a talent).

So, no one tell Big Cranky about the Pop Tart crumbs on the keyboard. I'm trying to think of a way to blame him.

I joined Curves. Yup. The Goddess of Glutton, the Mistress of Sloth, the leader of the famed group Sedentary Devotees, has joined a gym. My fat clothes are tight and I really don't want to buy new fat clothes. Big and Beautiful? Damn right!! Big and Healthy?? HELL NO!! It's time to put the burger down. Curves is great, I have to admit that I'm really enjoying it. I look forward to my half-hour on the circuit and didn't realize just how good I'd feel when I left after a workout. The best part was that the lady who taught me to use the machines has rolls too!! It was great. I didn't feel so disgusted because all the women who are there are there for exactly the same reasons I am....to be healthy and spend a long life antagonizing our children.

My goal used to be the crazy, tattooed old lady who hung around the benches at the mall but it's changed. I am now going to embarrass my kids. I fully intend to fart around their friends, show embarrassing baby pictures, tell the same bad joke repeatedly, tell insane stories from their childhood, tell everyone about the snow up to the telephone polls and how I used to dye my hair purple on purpose.

Honestly, I just want to be around long enough to enjoy my babies, see them graduate, get married, make a life for themselves and eventually give me little grandbabies to spoil rotten.

Whoo...almost got mushy there....phew...

Flea Market & Frazzled

I'm writing a little blogger here before I hit the hay. Actually, I'm waiting for the sun to go down so I don't feel like a loser going to bed when it's bright out. I figure if I go to bed as soon as it's dark I save some self-respect in the "cool" division and I still avoid the June bugs. Those are beastly, little creatures. If I go to Hell I'm going to be in a room filled with them and the walls will be covered in buttons I can't push.

So, I went to the flea market today which was relatively uneventful. I bought myself some knock-off Louis Vitton (sp?) sunglasses, a knock-off Playboy baseball cap (PINK!), a movie for the kids, and some fudge. I never leave without fudge. That would be my inner gluttonous voice telling me that just one won't hurt so I buy three packs of four and try to convince myself that I'll share -- which I never do. The hat is now proudly on display on top of the monitor for my old computer, the fudge is still in the fridge (with only TWO pieces missing) but the glasses are gone. Big Cranky decided to inform me after we left that they were ugly so I chucked them. I don't really need knock-off LV sunglasses anyway.

I'm also home in my own place now. It was a little to hectic going back and forth from the MILs to here. They days were getting beyond crazy and busy. Here is a rundown of my day:

5:30 AM: Little Man Meatball wakes up. Get out of bed. Feed the cats and change the water dish. Put Kita out to pee.

5:45 AM: Get Little Man Meatball changed and put him on the floor to play. Get Kita her breakfast and fresh water, put it in her crate. Let Kita in, put Guanita out. Go get Guanita's food.

6:00 AM: Girls get up. Make sure they pee/change pull-up. Get the girls their clothes for the day. Make Little Man Meatball his breakfast. Let Guanita in, give her breakfast.

6:15 AM: Feed Little Man Meatball while the girls get dressed.

6:45 AM: Make breakfast for the girls. Get Little Man Meatball dressed. Feed the fish in both aquariums.

7:15 AM: Get the girls washed up, their teeth brushed, do their hair. Make sure there are bottles made and diapers and pull-ups in my purse in case we go anywhere.

7:45 AM: Start waking Big Cranky up. Make Miss Lily's lunch for school.

8:00 AM: Wake Big Cranky up again. Get coffee made. Quickly brush hair/teeth. Try to remember deodourant. Get dressed as fast as possible. Get Little Man Meatball's bum changed just in case.

8:20 AM: Big Cranky gets up and washes his hair, swigs back coffee and opens the car. Put Miss Lily and Little Man Meatball in the car, go back for Little Miss Chloe. Wait for Big Cranky.

8:30 AM: Drop Miss Lily off at school. Go to Tim Horton's.

9:00 AM: Get home. Make Big Cranky breakfast. Get Little Miss Chloe a snack. Change Little Man Meatball's bum.

9:30 AM: Tidy up. Big Cranky gone back to bed.

10:00 AM: Get Little Man Meatball his morning nap. Cartoons for Little Miss Chloe. Get in the shower.

11:30 AM: Feed Little Man Meatball his lunch. Make lunch for me, Little Miss Chloe and Big Cranky.

12:00 PM: Lunch.

12:30 PM: Tidy up. Come home. Blog. Job search.

1:00 PM: Errands.

2:00 PM: Pick Miss Lily up from school. Errands/appointments/whatever. Get Little Man Meatball down for his afternoon nap.

3:00 PM: Argue about supper.

4:00 PM: Start supper.

5:00 PM: Feed Little Man Meatball.

5:30 PM: Feed everyone else.

6:00 PM: Clean up. Get kids their pajamas.

6:30 PM: Put girls in the tub and Little Man Meatball in the sink.

7:15 PM: Bed lunch. Little Man Meatball gets "goodnight" bottle.

8:00 PM: Bed time.

8:30 PM: Scoop the litter box.

By 10 PM I've told the kids to go to sleep about 100 times. They generally fall asleep around 9:00 – 9:30. Last night that's when they fell asleep but Little Man Meatball gets up around 10:30 and 2:00 – 3:00 AM. He'll usually be up for an hour before he goes back to sleep. Little Miss Chloe usually wakes up once or twice in between Little Man Meatball waking up. Now that I look at that, it's pretty much my day at home anyway except for the extra dog and the fish tanks.

Dammit...no wonder I'm tired and cranky all the time....

 

 

When it Rains it Pours

All the rig-a-ma-roll and ups and downs I went through with this job fiasco, I had an excellent interview today with hopes of hearing from them on Monday. I get here; sit my butt on the couch only to get a phone call to go in for testing for a job with the CBRM plus I'll be finding out about the job with the Mystery Man from the Practice Depot. Holy crap. I'm hoping that at least one of these will pan out into a full-time job with a pay rate of around $150/hr...haha...wishful thinking on the pay rate. I wish I could just blog for a living, that would be PERFECT!!

So, it was eventful day so far today aside from all the job business. I bought a new bra...whoo!! I'm very excited about it; I'll finally look slightly endowed. God bless La Senza and all their wonderful skivvy designers, lol. I also grabbed my niece a graduation present and I love it. Big Cranky picked it out for her since I wanted to buy everything due to my lack of abilities in the decision department. I'm seriously thinking about getting one myself. AS much as I'd love to divulge the purchase; I just can't because she's not getting it until tomorrow. The biggest purchase of the day (although not the most expensive) was earrings. Little Miss got her little ears pierced today!! The tiny girl was amazing and didn't even as much as flinch when it happened. She's here now turning them and looking to put the solution on them. She's cute as a button and proud as a peacock with her new earrings.

Miss Lily had came home from school today with her desk all cleaned out. I can't believe Grade Primary is over already. Time is going by too quickly for my liking and my babies are getting big...fast. Everyone says to enjoy them when they're small because it goes by so quickly but you just never understand just how quickly until one of them is bringing home her stuff from her desk. My niece is graduating, that's another indication of how time passes considering it was only five minutes ago that I was putting French braids in her hair.

Anyway...before the snivel-ly side of me creeps out....

Everett is almost crawling now. He gets on his hands and knees and rocks away...soon enough....mobility....

Big Cranky is here to get us so we can go shopping again. Heading to Charlene's Nutrition Centre for some gluten/egg/dairy free treats. Miami's little Enforcer has a very sensitive belly and I like to buy treats so I'll leave no stone unturned until I find something for that particular Little Gentleman. There is an amazing black liquorice there that he particularly loves so off I go to stock up.

I’m going to buy a cow

I went to make a cup of tea before I sat down to pound out some random thoughts but there is NO MILK. Imagine it: Here I am - the tea drinker extraordinaire and no friggin' milk. That's probably because it's all at Big Cranky's mom's place since we're staying there for the next couple of weeks. Even still, I'm here all morning after we drop Miss Lily off at school and then most of the afternoon waiting for her to come home so you'd think Id smarten up and get some milk. Nonetheless I have hot chocolate, green tea, peppermint tea, fenugreek tea and Earl Grey so; I think I'll be alright for now. Maybe I should buy a cow and stock in both King Cole and Tetley so that I'll never be without again.

Spoken like a true addict....why buy weed when you can grow your own??

I'm waiting very impatiently for this thunder storm to happen. I usually hate them but as I get older I seem to enjoy them more. I guess it reminds me of the loud music that I used to listen to but don't anymore since there is always a mini-person asleep around me. The character in the movie Knocked Up says that she sacrificed her youth, her body and her vagina...I seem to have sacrificed my taste in music. Maybe not now that I think about it, Miss Lily does know the words to Intergalactic Laxative by Donovan and most of Kashmir. She also likes Pink Floyd but I'm going to try and steer her away from that psychedelic experience for as long as possible. Enjoying the music of Pink Floyd – OK; using the music of Pink Floyd to enhance an acid trip – not so OK. I think I'm getting ahead of myself here considering the poor girl is only five.

So my next mission is to get my driver's license. I think since I'm 28 and have three kids I need to start gaining a little more independence and become capable of driving something heavy. So, I cracked down and bought the book and I've been taking practice tests on the Young Driver's website but I just can't seem to find the time to go in to write the damn Learner's test. Nerves maybe. The idea of me being trusted to drive a mom-machine (a van, I'm giving in and buying a van for myself) makes me a little tense. See, you have to do all these crazy antics when you drive a car like turn and parallel park. Big Cranky is also a little hesitant to teach me how to drive anyway but the feeling is mutual. He drives race cars and I'm one of the pokiest people around. I was considering looking into driver training courses but the fact remains that I only spend money on tattoos and fast food (once the kiddies have what they need of course) so that is out the window. I'll figure it out one way or another...

Maybe I'll buy a pedal bike or a rickshaw...

Word is bugging me today...

Word is bugging me today...

 

 

I`m on the hunt. Prowling. Searching. That great elusive beast is out there somewhere in the abyss. That fiend otherwise known as a JOB!!

I know, I`m a little ridiculous but I have a bazillion résumés out there covered in cover letters and follow-ups but I haven`t gotten so much as a single response. Well, I did get one response in an email that said they would be `pursuing other candidates`. Sounds like they`re stalking other people because they just couldn`t stand to hire me, lol. Job hunting sucks and that`s pretty much the long and short of it. I read somewhere once that looking for work is really full-time work itself and honestly, they`re right. I already have a job but I don`t really want to go back there and would like to find something a little more stable with better hours. It`ll be hateful to give up the benefits plan but in the long run I`d rather have a job that I don`t dread going to everyday. The work itself is fine, I don`t mind it one bit but the shifts are crap and with Miss Lily in school now I`d rather know that I`ll be home to see her more often that a couple of hours in the morning and on the weekends. Summer wouldn`t be so bad but still, I need a job with regular hours.

I`m sitting here waiting patiently to talk to Mr. Job at the Practice Depot to see if he heard anything from the Mystery Man who is considering recruiting an administrative assistant. Mr. Job has my résumé and he`s already told me that I`ll be one of the people he`s going to short list into the candidate pool. (All I can picture is a pool full of dressed up people waving their résumés and portfolios while a big hand comes down and picks one out for a job.) No one knows who this gentleman is that`s looking for an admin but from the sounds of things, it could very well be an excellent opportunity. I`m crossing my fingers on this one because so far I`ve had zero luck even landing an interview. Pain in my fat, flat white girl ass and I`m getting ready to bang my head on the desk in frustration of crossing off each job I have on my -Applied To- list. I think I have ESAD (Employment Search Anxiety Disorder)...okay, I made that up....

Little Man is in his ExerSaucer jumping like crazy and having a blast, Little Miss Chloe is standing there staring at him, and Miss Lily is in school. It`s almost dinner time and I`m dreading making anything other than a couple of peanut butter sandwiches for us girls. Little Man is going to have to make due with a jar of baby food...lucky him. Big Cranky is off running errands but is coming back shortly so I can go drop off another slew of résumés. Really it`s just one but one is starting to feel like a million. I think I`m stressing because I only have a little more than a week to find a new job or it`s back to the call centre I go...UGH.

Alright, I`m losing my train of thought....peanut butter, here I come.

Off and Running

Going away for the weekend so I figured I'd blog a bit before I left. Not going far, a few streets over to the MILs house to take care of her farm while she's away. So, two farms for the next month with a total of five cats, two dogs, and two aquariums (one of which is around 160 gallons) need to be tended to. It'll be fun though. I'm sure the next month of bouncing between two houses is going to go by fairly quickly. Busy busy busy!!!

Miss Lily went to see Kung Fu Panda with her class today and she highly recommends it although she says it is somewhat of a sad story: The Panda couldn't fight even though he tried, an old guy helps him and then at the end, he can fight. That's my five-year-old's synopsis of the movie....very in-depth. I can't blame her for not being so descriptive since she had a hard day with the rotten kid in her class. I shouldn't really call him rotten, he can't help who he is but he's a bully whether we like the title or not. I don't care if he has new medication and is working with the school counsellor because sometimes others need to step in. This kid needs an aid, badly but they're dragging their heels. In the meantime, he picks on the smallest girls in the class, poor Miss Lily happens to be one of them. He has done things like try to pull her eyes out with scissors, push her around, call her names & swear at her. Rough stuff. Today he told her she was ugly, cursed at her, made fun of her pictures so she spent most of the afternoon after the movie crying. Her teacher called to let me know that she was upset in school. Ugh...it sucks to see my little girl being picked on but she knows it's not her fault and that all the mean things he says aren't true. I'm thinking about sending Little Miss Chloe to school to protect Miss Lily. That rough and tumble little one could certainly take care of business.

I'm all packed and ready to go, just waiting on Big Cranky to get home so we can head out to the wild blue yonder. Errrr....maybe the windy, rainy, grey yonder...gross....uncivilized even. There is no reason for us to be wearing sweaters in June. WAIT – it's Friday the 13^th!! This is actually the perfect weather for today...creeeeeeepy. I'm going to make popcorn, a huge cup of tea and settle to a nice horror flick tonight I think. Yeah. Nice.

Musings & Mustard

I'm waiting for the kettle to boil but I'm not looking forward to a cup of tea with nothing to dunk into it. I need an Arrowroot or Massy Log or Lemon Social Tea or chocolate chip cookies. Gluttony. If I go to Hell for anything, it will be gluttony. I am crunching on some trail mix but I don't think a dried banana slice or chunk of granola is all that great when dipped into some piping hot yummy tea.

I'm a little depressed this evening. My lawn is being mowed and I'm oddly saddened by it. I was discovering that grass can grow to amazing heights and even sort of flowered on the top. It looks like I'm growing brilliant green wheat in my backyard but it looks fun. Miss Lily has a blast fighting her way through the tall grass going to school in the morning and I've noticed quite a lot of butterflies back there. I'm also sure there is a snake or two waiting for me to find them with the kids to oooh and aahhh over his/her colours and chat about their tail and their bellies before we let them go. Oh well, nothing I can do about it I guess. The lawn will be mowed for no other reason than to keep my house looking "presentable". You know, I have to admit that I LOVE dandelions too. I think they're pretty and wouldn't be against planting them in my own yard but yet again, have to keep up appearances....dandelions and tall grass – BAD.

Mr. Man got more parts for his dirt bike today. Ah hem....MX bike. (He would be appalled by my use of the words "dirt bike"...weirdo.) This is quite an expensive little hobby he's got going on but it certainly makes him happy. Why is it some men are only truly happy when completely covered in mud?? I can't say I'm immune to the fun of being on a bike in the woods, cruising the trails and getting a little dirty...it's entertaining at the very least as well as challenging and quite an adrenaline rush. Honestly though, I need to know the incredible, insatiable need to be completely covered in wet, hooey-gooey mud. I must get myself my very own DIRT BIKE and try it. Who knows, maybe I'll enjoy it too. Something tells me the mud is more of a badge of honour than anything – "Hey, look what I just did!! I can throw bigger rooster tails than yooouuu..." I have a picture of Mr. Man in my head with that silly, satisfied grin on his face. My train of thought is passing here...I can hear the lawn mower....booooo.....

Don't make popcorn and start feeling nostalgic about your grass (literal grass, not the puff-puff kind) because you'll end up burning your popcorn the way I just did. White cheddar flavour shakers just don't taste the same on burnt popcorn.

My farm got their flea treatment today. Surprisingly they were all well-behaved creatures. Little Miss Chloe wanted to be flea treated as well so Mr. Man pretended to put some on her back (we have the squirty kind for between their shoulder blades) but Little Miss decided that wasn't good enough, threw a tantrum and told us she wanted it on the back of her neck. So, once again, Mr. Man had to pretend to flea treat our two-year-old. Hopefully CAS won't hear of this, lol.

I have a million thoughts in my head right now but they're all completely disorganized. I wish I could stick a filing cabinet in my ear.

But...someone is crying upstairs...I'm off for another night.....

My Fiancé has a Crush on a Russian Juggler...

 

OK, well, maybe he doesn't but his eyes did light up when she walked into ring #1 at tonight's circus. She was beautiful and abnormally limber...hmmmm

We gathered the girls tonight and went to the circus that was in Centre 200. We spent a fair amount of money on tickets but it was very well worth it. Miss Lily couldn't take her eyes off of the ring no matter what was going on inside it at that particular moment. She was on the edge of her seat watching the fire breathers (amazing I must say...I could feel the heat in my seat) and she was wide-eyed watching the gentlemen on the trampoline. Her favourite was the elephant which had her amazed at the sheer size. I think she knew elephants were big but not quite that big. Chloe pointed, laughed and was amazed at the clowns, the black jaguar and everything else that crossed the stage. She sat on her father's lap pointing at hollering for him to look. Chad bought them light up swords and they had a blast waving them for their favourite performers. Ahh...what a night.

The only bad part was that the girls missed out on a camel ride because it was a 20 minute wait (the entire intermission) for Miss Lily and I to have a pee. Someone please tell me how it's possible for men to never have a bathroom line but women seem to be in a constant state of waiting to pee?? I was so tempted to just swoosh Miss Lily into the men's bathroom and run to the camel line up for her and Little Miss Chloe to have a ride and then get their picture taken with the fire breathers. I have a movie of the fire breathers...it was amazing to see. Anyway, I'm completely amazed at how long it takes for women to pee!! The only thing I can figure is that men don't wash their hands...or maybe they just don't really pee and it's all a ploy to say "ha-ha, look at me, there is one thing that I can do that you can't do better – PEE QUICKLY!!" OK, maybe not.

You know, even the creepy guy who sat next to me and gave me a hug when he first sat down didn't even ruin the show. He kept talking to me about how amazing it was and telling me to LOOK LOOK but I was able to successfully ignore him. He didn't ruin it, just gave me a good case of the heebie-jeebies. Chad was with me, I didn't have to worry about Creepy Guy following me home for more hugs. I did get lots of hugs before the girls went to bed and kisses too and "thank-you mommy", "I love you Mommy"...ahh, the best.

I'm really glad we went, worth every minute, every penny to see those two girls faces light up brighter than the stage itself...

....alright, I admit it...I kind of have a fan-crush on the fire breathers....

The Beginning

Blogging eh. A new adventure. Well, not really but I've never really had an "official" blog before. I've had the Hi5, Crackbook (Facebook) random notes but that's the extent of it.

Daily musings I guess. Random thought processes – that might get a little scary, lol.

Less talk more work my junior high home economics teacher used to say. I was going somewhere with that but it's lost on me now. Maybe I'll make this a "I-will-not-erase-what-I-have-written" blog (with the exception of spelling and grammar of course). That sounds like a good idea. A diary of sorts...only one that others can read if they want to.

Ugh, I ramble a lot.

There are people moving in next door. It's rather annoying because I've grown used to having this whole place to myself. It's a duplex and having neighbours means I have to be quiet. Dammit. I'm quiet anyway but it's different when you HAVE to be. You can't help but drop things and scream when you're not allowed...a silence rebellion of sorts. I hope they're quiet. The last people had a lot of dogs that they kept tied in the basement. That sucked since they were all puppies and the mom was tied outside all day so all I heard was yapping and crying which, in turn, made poor Kita a little insane. This might be different though. Maybe Kita won't become as crazy as her owner by their noise levels. I expect some racket while they set everything up and get settled but hopefully after that it'll just be normal noises of living. Boo...I need a cup of tea and maybe call Amber to commiserate about noisy neighbours.

Speaking of Kita, she has a vet appointment on Saturday. She has to go for a 16 week booster because I was late getting it for her. Poor thing has gotten a ton of pokes and prods in the last few weeks. Part of being a puppy I guess. Just wait until she sees what we have in store for her next...SPAYING!! I can see Bob Barker in my head every time I look at her. He's become my Pet Responsibility Conscience and the old man is getting annoying. I want to yell at him to leave me alone, that she's getting fixed but I'm sure the new neighbours would definitely find it a little odd that I would be screaming at Bob Barker in my kitchen. I should just keep my mouth shut and shove that horrible long microphone.....where the hell did all this sudden anger towards Bob Barker come from? Little violent this evening aren't I?

Time for some meds, lol.

Kita just ate one of Lily's headbands and I was so mesmerized by this new ability to blog from MS Word that all that's left is itty bitty pieces of pink and blue. I'm an irresponsible pet owner but hey, at least she's getting fixed...BOB!