WWaaaammmbulance.....

It's been awhile. Oh well, shit happens, I got busy and now I'm completely shirking my responsibilities to the plethora of boxes that are cluttering my house, open and begging to be filled. How the hell did I just make a cardboard box sound dirty? It's a talent I guess. Maybe my brain is still stuck on the Story of O. Box bondage...I'm Mistress Adhesive, I control them with tape....punish them by pulling it off....

Alright, getting a little insane here.

I have no idea what I'm doing tonight. I know I need to pack but I just can't bring myself to do it. I just wish everything would magically appear in the new apartment. Speaking of new apartment....do I have any volunteers to help me move furniture around?? Actually, I need help putting beds together because, well, I suck. I am the farthest thing from being handy as they come. Don't get me wrong, I can take care of myself, I can fix stuff but...and a big but (much like the one that follows behind me)...there is no guarantee that it'll stay together or remain upright. Oh my, do what I can I guess.

I just did some laundry...eeeevil laundry. I am very sick of washing and folding and putting in a box; washing and folding and putting in a box; repeat. Then there's the dishes...washing and drying and putting in a box. I don't remember any of my other moves being so monotonous and slow. I feel like I'm never going to get it finished. Miss Cat from work came to help me yesterday and we did get a good bit of it done but still, this is insane!! There are still boxes in my closet and boxes in the basement that have to be seen to. I'm seriously considering just sitting under my table when the movers get here on Saturday and telling them just to do what they can.

Why didn't I hire packers when I hired the movers??

The age old question I guess...next time I move, which hopefully won't be for a very long, long time, I have to remember to hire packers. Fuck. Dishes, I have to finish those tonight too and I really don't want to...WAAAAA....I think I'd like some cheese with my whine...somebody call the waaaamubulance....

Oh, and as per the previous blog post, I have discovered the answer to the Great Mystery. I have been told, in no uncertain terms, that the only reason a man will hold the wall in front of him to pee is....

LAZINESS.

Somehow, this answer doesn't surprise me and I am rather befuddled that I could not draw such an obvious conclusion myself. I guess that just proves that men are simple and women like to complicate things....

Do you really need to hold the wall to pee?

I'm supposed to be packing. I have a strict schedule to keep (yeah right) but I had to stop and ask this one question: Why the hell do I have a plate that has a sticker on the back stating:

Not for food use

Seriously. Why?

I'm taking a break from the kitchen. It's bothering me that I can't just tip that half of the house and have it land in a box, neatly. I don't think I'm asking too much! Kita keeps stealing out of the garbage and the cats are watching me intently so that they can get in the box when I'm not looking and make a mess of my...ah hem...organized packing.

So, I thought a lot today, which can be a very dangerous thing, and came up with these random nonsense thoughts:

Who ever coined the term "putting the moves on someone"?? And why is that we have to drag out the word "moves" when we say it...MOOOOVES? And what exactly are the moves that we're putting on? Who decides what's a move? What about "making out"? Where did that come from? Can you imagine the conversation:

"What are they doing"; "They're making."; "Making what?"; "Making OUT."

What the hell is out? I know it's kissing and shit but how is a kiss equated with an OUT?? ugh. Hey, I didn't ask about fisting. At least that's a verb.

Why do guys sometimes lean on the wall in front of them while they take a pee? Is it that bad they're going to fly backwards if they don't brace themselves in some way??

Why is it that I always end up in the bathroom after someone has a crap, only to have someone else come in behind me and think I dropped the bomb? Why can't people bring air freshener to work....Crazy Royal Bank Lady!! (hint hint) I'm sure she has a radar that tells her when the tattooed girl next door is going to pee so she can run in there ahead of me and stink the place out.

The Definition of Chivalry

chiv·al·ry /ˈʃɪvəlri/ Pronunciation Key [shiv-uhl-ree]

–noun, plural -ries for 6.
1. the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms.

6. Archaic. a chivalrous act; gallant deed.


[Origin: 1250–1300; ME chivalrie <>chevalier + -ie -y3]


========================================

Courtesy. Generosity. Love. Honesty. Respect. Decency.

Those are some words that carry a lot of weight.

I have come to learn that being chivalrous is lost on most these days. It's sad when you think about how much is gone between people who are supposed to love each other. People arguing and fighting with no consideration or respect for one another. It's not fair or right that we have no commonality, no decency, no understanding anymore. Relationships, of all kinds, need an old fashioned kick in the ass.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not talking about the way men treat women, but how men and women relate to one another. Chivalry goes both ways, in my humble opinion. I've been in some really rocky, crazy relationships and each time I've been wondering where is my knight in shining armour, who is going to rescue me. I'm not completely in the clouds, I know there is no such thing, there really is no perfect man. I'm not a perfect woman, I have faults and flaws and so, I wouldn't expect any less in someone else. I think it's the faults and flaws which, when coupled with annoying habits, make us who we are -- individuals worthy of all those heavy words listed above.

I think we really need to learn how to respect one another. Respect is something that's lacking in our society. We're focused on ourselves and making our own little world better with things, material possessions that we think should be markers of our worth as people, that we become overprotective and in love with wood and microchips more than we are with positive attitudes and warm hugs. We're all guilty of playing the "who has the bigger balls" or faster cars, or better computers, bigger bathrooms. This doesn't have to lower us to be completely materialistic beings.

When I think about relationships, the romantic kind, I always think about my parents. I think about how I never heard them fight, argue or complain about one another. There was always love and affection, praise and understanding. I miss that...a lot. They held hands even after over forty years of marriage. They said they loved each other every day no matter what kind of day the other was having. My father was truly a chivalrous man. He cornered the market on every one of my heavy words and didn't even have to try, he was naturally good natured, caring man. I miss him a lot. He makes me believe in Knights in Shining Armour because to my Mom, he was one. He was a hero to every one of us girls. No matter what we broke, he could fix it...from broken toys to broken hearts. He supported us every way he could and asked nothing in return but to give him a hug before bed.

Mom was just as amazing. I couldn't have asked for better parents, even under the circumstances to which I was born. If you know me, you know the story, there's no point in getting into it here. She was a beautiful woman, just as kind and gentle as my father. She was accepting and loyal and loved her family unconditionally. I think about being a rotten teenager and wonder how she didn't throw me away but she was a figher. She never gave up on me and I thank her for that everyday. I miss her more as the years go by, watching my own children grow up. I wish they could know her and hear her laugh, see her standing in the kitchen with the rollars in her hair and telling you how proud she was of you, even for the smallest thing as cleaning your room without being asked first.

They loved each other. They respected each other and treated each other with dignity and understanding. I want to find that some day. I would like to have someone holding my hand until the day I die, that makes me laugh, that makes me comfortable and safe. Even on an unromantic, platonic level, don't we want that from all the relationships we build? Someone who you can trust and love without inhabitions of emotion. Free to feel the way you want at any time you want. Someone who you can vent to on the bad days, cry with on the sad days, laugh with on the good ones and scream together when the world is out to get you.

It seems we're all searching for that relationship, whether it's a friend or lover. I just think that if we're going to be able to find the person we're looking for we should, in turn, exude the personality traits we value. We should act kindly, be gentle and courteous if we wish for someone to do the same. We really do reap what we sow.

My life according to Google.

I stole this from Facebook & figured it would be a little amusing. Turns out it was a lot more amusing than expected...
===================================================

My life according to Google.
Pick the first one that comes up.

1: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search:
Alyson need a drunken hookup.
(Uhm, not really, lol.)

2: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:
Alyson looks like a prOn star.
(No, I don't. I hope I don't, OMG!)

3: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search
Alyson does a thingy for MySpace.
(I do? I don't even have a MySpace account....interesting conspiracy...)

4: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search
Alyson hates when people cut across her when she's talking.
(Damn Skippy, drives me nuts.)

5: Type in "[your name] goes" or "..has gone" in Google search:
Alyson has gone back to Adelaide.
(I only wish.)

6: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google search:
Alyson loves me.
(...and me and me and me and me....)

7: Type in "[your name] eats" in Google search:
Alyson eats guts.
(I'm really a zombie, but shhhhh....don't tell on me.)

8: Type in "[your name] has" in Google search:
Alyson has a toilet paper fetish.
(Damn. I didn't want anyone to find out this way.)

9: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search
Alyson wants to see sparks fly once in awhile, even if it means
instigating a fight.
(Holy shit, a little truth about me that I didn't know. Nothing like self-realization.)

10: Type in "[your name] wears" in Google search:
Alyson wears her hair parted to one side.
(I really do wear it parted to one side, the left actually.)

11: Type in "[your name] sees" in Google search:
Alyson sees this!
(...and thinks she's nuts for doing it...)

12: Type in "[your name] steals" in Google search
Alyson steals morphine from her dying father.
(That's a rather horrible one, isn't it!)

13: Type in "[your name] is" in Google search:
Alyson is comprised of former members of a St. Louis band.
(They all live in my head. Each has his own place. Frank is in my left temporal
lobe.)

14: Type in "[your name] fights" in Google search
Alyson fights her way into the limelight.
(Sure, why not.)

15: Type in "[your name] hides" in Google search
Alyson Hides from words that burn.
(Don't we all? Maybe me moreso than others.)

16: Type in "[your name] puts" in Google search
Alyson puts safety first.
(Only on certain occasions. Maybe for the drunken hookup. No, no hookups, thank
you.)

17: Type in "[your name] kills" in Google search:
Alyson kills Angel.
(Buffy reference? I honestly don't make a habit of killing angels.)

18: Type in "[your name] suffers" in Google search
Alyson suffers from losing all importance to the plot.
(What plot??)

19: Type in "[your name] feels" in Google search:
Alyson feels manipulated into behaving the way you want.
(Weird, there have been times...)

20: Type in "[your name] sings" in Google search
Alyson sings first.
(and asks questions later)

I NEED A SITTER!!

I'm enjoying the new laptop. I managed to find an open internet connection so, I hijacked it and I'm using it to blog. It's terrible, I know. I know it's a form of stealing but hey, they were stupid enough to leave it open. Oh, I'm going to hell....

So, I was published in the local newspaper yesterday. It was a response to an article about ATVs driving on the hill that I live close to. A copy of it is in this blog if anyone feels they would like to read it. All I can think is that I actually had something that I had written published. I'm so excited. I cut it out of the newspaper and hung it on the fridge. Who cares about what it says, it's an ARTICLE with MY NAME...

I wrote this blog earlier on my laptop, it fucked up & I lost everything except the two paragraphs above. It sucked, it was a good blog, very relaxing and good purge for me but it's gone.....

I'm pissed.

Blog from the weekend

Date: Saturday, September 13, 2008
Mood: Excited and slightly annoyed

I got a laptop today. It's a Dell Inspiron and that's about the most I know about it, lol. I got it cheap, second hand. It used to belong to a student but they needed money the way every student does. It's only a couple of months old and works great so, why the hell not.
I'm actually sitting at Nanny's house (took the wee ones for a visit) watching my kids play around the living room and watch Little Man Meatball try to destroy every single ornament in the place. I think there is something about the homes of grandmothers that they are legally obligated to fill their homes with things that grandchildren just shouldn't have. It's nice here though, quiet, good breeze coming in the window, no crack dealers living across the street. I especially love the lack of crack dealers. OMG, if you could see some of the people that go in and out of that place across from me, you would be in stitches laughing. Honestly, I'm probably going to hell for laughing at them considering what kind of horrible place they're in if they're stuck smoking crack but considering I'm going there for gluttony and sloth, I may as well allow myself a little giggle while I'm at it. It really is sad though to think of the situation that these people are in and I don't think I really want to ruin my mood thinking about it. God bless them though, I couldn't imagine.

Work was alright this week. It was a long week but OK, I only almost quit twice. Once it was just thinking about it, the other time I actually walked out. Ugh, something else I don't want to think about to ruin my mood. I just have to say that I refuse to take the blame for a mistake made by someone else, especially when their job is catching the mistake. There was one document I was editing that made me laugh the whole way through. When you think that these documents are mainly site remediation and environmental assessments, there isn't much in there to laugh at. Actually, they are quit dry and hard to get through without falling asleep at times. This one made me laugh because it was full of references to WTF. WTF to me is the texting/instant messaging acronym for What The F*ck but in the document it was a reference for Water Treatment Plant. The thing is that everytime I saw it in the document I was reading it the texting/messaging way and it really made me laugh. Alright, writing this down now I realize that it wasn't even funny.

There was a lot more I wanted to blog about today but Little Man Meatball is destroying the house...

Boxes..the packing kind you perv...

There was just a really big bang upstairs. I'm sure it was a cat since no one is screaming and I can hear the cats running around up there. Kita is asleep behind me so I know it wasn't her. I think she's getting too lazy now anyway. All she wants to do is eat and get her belly scratched. Oh, I can't forget the farting. I'm sure my dog has made passing wind her hobby.

I have nothing in particular to chat about tonight. Nothing interesting going on, nothing new happening. Well, there is a lot that's new but not anything I really want to discuss in a public forum. I almost forgot the "L" in public...that would be interesting....

So, I've decided once and for all that I'm going to move back home. Back to Dominion I go. Dominion isn't really home, Glace Bay is home but Dominion is where most of my friends are and my family. I can't stand it here anymore...BLAH! That "blah" was my scream in the face of the crack dealer across the street, as if to say, "screw you, I'm going home where you can't make me uncomfortable". Crack dealers. I know, they're everywhere but at least Dominion is a little quieter than here. I miss the old neighbourhood across from the school living above a crazy but my best friend on the other side of the wall.....ahh.....memories....nostalgia....

The only thing I dread about moving is packing. I hate packing. Trying to decide what's good and what's garbage; what's coming and what is being given away can be a task of epic proportions causing nothing more than stress that only gives you frizzy hair. It's horrible trying to organize boxes so that all the bedroom stuff is in one box, the bathroom in another and then, for some reason, you pack all your forks in the toy box and have to run to the dollar store because you have nothing to eat with. Yes, I am speaking from experience. Even worse than packing is unpacking. This is worse because you always start with the best of intentions. You're all puffy and full of pride, energetic and optimistic, thinking to yourself how organized you're going to be and this time everything is going to have it's own place. Then, the Task:

Where do you start? One box at a time or open everything and lay it out? Which drawer will be the silverwear drawer? You can't figure it out so you just shove them in one and tell yourself you'll figure it out later but you never do. How will you organize your clothes, sheets, towels, linens?? OK, put them in this closet until you find a better spot. Which angle will I put the couch? Does the furniture even fit? Do you think I need a new coffee table? Oh no, where am I going to store all my keepsakes and do I really need a matchbook from 1989? Is the bed better against this wall or under the window? Where did the screwdriver go? Did you see where the kitchen box went, I can't find the silverwear?

Okay, I'm having a breakdown now just thinking about it...my oh my. It's true, after three years here I still never figured out which drawer in the kitchen would be the better silverwear drawer. Also, no matter how much I try to avoid it, I always end up with a junk drawer in every room.

Weird.