Quite the Intricate Entanglement This Is…

Complications??  Oh there are so many complications.  There is so much I want to spew and spill and discuss and open up about BUT it’s way too personal.  Too much is too close and I will end up telling too many secrets.  I’m good at that.  Just feed me rum and I tell all.  Yes, there is more to that story but we’re not touching it.  Sorry. 

I do need to vent a little tonight and this is the place I seem to love the most.  At least going back and reading these silly things when my head is a little clearer I can see my immaturity and stupidity which allows me to correct myself.  And sometimes, most times, I find that I need to trust my own instincts and follow what my gut told me to do in the first place. 

I’m just trying to piece together the last few months and stop my head from spinning so I can finally get a grip and decide whether or not to throw up my hands in a disappointed, catastrophic fit of defeat.  I need to decide whether or not to cut my losses and bail out completely or just ride out the storm and see what comes.  In the end it really comes down to which is the more respectable avenue of choice. 

You see, my conundrum is this:  I’m almost enjoying this ride.  I’m almost enjoying the spinning head and everything that is coming with it.  However, the ride has to eventually come to an end, the spinning has to slow because fantasy and reality never mix, never touch and most certainly leave us confused and burned and out of control.  But cutting my losses leaves me at a great loss and waiting it out could also lead to a great personal cost.  Do I beat the inevitable to the punch and jump off the rollercoaster?  At what point does this personal sacrifice become too great?

Decisions.  Decisions.  Hate those damn decisions.

 

Got my shitkickers on & ready for the wall …

I guess it’s time I sat down and wrote another one of these little ditties (is that how you spell that?).  I’ve been avoiding it, hiding from it for fear of a bunch of crap spilling out.  It’s happened a few times already and they’re sitting in my Drafts folder waiting for me to decide what it is that I want to do with them. 

There really hasn’t been much going on for me to make quirky observations about.  The babies are fine and perfect and destroying the house on cold rainy days the way kids usually do.  Haven’t been out of the house much except to do errands and go to the playground which always proves to be an adventure.  Waiting for my landlord to hurry up and cash my rent, he’s now fifteen days late and I keep staring at my bank account balance and dreaming about the gigantic grocery order I could buy or the tickets to the GWAR/Lamb of God concert in October.

GWAR and Lamb of God.  That is one concert that I have to get my ass to.  I skipped KISS because of my hateful stomach, I certainly do not want to miss this.  I’ve been listening to GWAR since I was about 13, loving them in all their Scumdog glory and now, at almost 30, finally have the chance to see them live and loud.  I’ve only recently started listening to Lamb of God and must admit that I do enjoy them.  The only thing is that I have had to promise myself to completely avoid the Wall of Death.  Don’t know what the Wall of Death is??  Look it up on YouTube, you’ll avoid it too … that is unless you’re a lunatic who likes to fight.  I guess it could be an interesting way to get out some pent up aggression but I’m too stumpy and girly for that.  Regardless of the benefits of Walls of Death, one broken nose in a mosh pit is more than enough for me so I won’t be travelling that road again.  The Road Behind.  Hmmm…good song.

Now I’m hearing that Megadeth and Slayer are playing on November 9th.  I think I just had a mini aneurism of over- excitement and glee.  Glee??  What’s wrong with me today??haven’t been my usual turn-the-air-blue/make-a-sailor-blush swearing self.  Ahh well, maybe it’s a good thing that I’m learning to curb the cussing.

But fuck it:  GWAR! Lamb of God! Megadeth! Slayer!  It’s all my childhood, angst-ridden, moshing in my bedroom and wildly playing air guitar fantasies come true!!

I’m sure as Hell getting my ass to those concerts … whose in???