Men are simple.

Alright, I know. I sound like a jilted lover, rejected lovelorn girl who is bitter and angry. I'm not and actually I'm far from it. I have just come to the conclusion that men are basic and simple creatures and the only reason women find them complicated is because we complicate them.

I have found that men live simply, basically and function to complete only the most basic of human needs/tasks. A man's life consists of simply moving between four simple repetitive tasks. There are others that they do require to live, such as hygiene and urination but these are the BIG FOUR. The four things that a man lives for: eat - fuck - shit - sleep. Put those four things on repeat and the rest of it just seems to fall into place for them. Explanation is as follows:

• They work to eat and not really much else, the rest of the money for shelter and amenities is just something that happens. Seriously, have you ever seen a man with a barbeque or listen to conversations about steak? It's a very painstaking and intense conversation and usually consists of grunts, barbeque sauce painting demonstrations and timing/heating/texture university lectures.

• They fuck because they think with their crotch and get a little insane without sex. Even on a health level, a man has a need to ejaculate to prevent them from getting "backed up" or, in medical terms, "vasocongestion" (please google Blue Balls for further information).

• Let's face it, men enjoy a good shit and tend to pride themselves on size, smell and composition (relate the size comparison back to the fuck part, you can put two and two together) plus, they tend to be picky about their choice of lavatory entertainment (sometimes porn, go back to fuck).

• Sleep. Pristine and beautiful sleep. The thing that recharges them for eating, fucking and shitting. Sleep is THE most important element and men tend to be able to sleep almost anywhere, in almost any position whilst simaltaneously snoring and drooling. This is actually the one time a man is capable of multi-tasking.

So, back to my original point of the fact that women complicate men. You see, when a man says something like: "She needs a man" in a casual conversation with a female friend about a girl they both know, he usually means exactly what he says. In actual male-to-female translation, he is simply saying: "she would probably benefit from a companion or company". However, a woman would question the validity of the statement with the following questions: why would he say that? Does he think she's lonely? Does he see her as incapable of being single and fulfilled? Does he mean that he wants to be her man or does he mean that she should look elsewhere for a man and not in his direction? What does he mean by that?

See my point. Basically, that statement is as simple as "I have to shit" in that there is nothing else to read into it and the man would merely need to fulfill of his basic, carnal needs to deficate. If he says, "She needs a man" he is simply saying that she needs a male companion and nothing else. There would be no undertones to the statement, nothing broad and nothing complicated. This goes for pretty much any statement a man would make.

We women put far too much of our complicated brain function into trying to understand something that is very easy to comprehend. I think I had an AH-HA moment in discovering that men are incapable of any complicated thought in that they are scientifically proven to be able to process thought through linear thinking only and base their lives around the Big Four. I don't want anyone to get me wrong here, I love men...a lot (no, I'm not a slut either). I think they are lucky that they don't over-analyze everything the way us women tend to to do. They are able to say what they mean and mean it with no other hidden thought or agenda. I'm not saying they can't play headgames or be deceitful because they certainly can be and when you look into any reason why they did that, it will usually relate back to obtaining one of the Big Four.

I think we should admire their thought process and uncomplicate our own lives by turning down the drama dial in our brain and take a spoken word for what it is. If I say I have to shit, I have to shit and if I say he needs a good woman, I mean he needs a companion or some company and nothing more....nothing less. Make sense?

Now...I'm off to use the bathroom, grab some food, make a phone call and go to sleep.