Here I go again on my own....

Where to start? Nowhere really. It has been one hell of an insane week. There have been so many crazy things and crazy people that I don't know exactly how I can begin. The characters in this new chapter of my story are colourful and wonderful and beautiful. Even the insane ones are making things so interesting, so amusing, that I can't help but like them on some entertaining, foolish level.

I had the movers come early on Saturday morning. I was just as I previously wrote, frazzled and looking at those poor men with my "please help me" look. The only difference was that the three hurricanes were quite calm and I was sitting on the couch, not under the table. I wanted to be under the table, I wanted the day to be all said and done but it wasn't. It took about three hours for everything to get here, including me and my brood. I was never so thankful for anything to be over in all my life. Well, labour would be one exception, I was always thankful that was over.

No room at the inn. Nothing fits, nothing works the way I want it to. I moved a three bedroom, three level duplex into a small two bedroom apartment. You know, even though I've had to give my couch away, my washer and dryer are in my kitchen and you really have to suck it in to move around, I couldn't be happier. My kids are happy because they can out to play. My dog is happy because she can roam out of her crate around the apartment. My cats, well, they're cats and that's enough of an explanation.

I'm happy because it seems like there is a huge weight off of my shoulders. Mind you, there are new weights there now but they aren't the same as before, they are minor, trivial. I wish so bad I could just write every worry that's gone, write about all the heartbreak that looks like it has moved itself into the past tense and all the hurt that seems to be fading, but I can't. One, it's a little too personal to me and others involved and two, the past is better left as the past. Sure, there will always be ties but sometimes it's better to walk away, to move on, to live again without worry and disappointment and lonliness than to sit in it hoping it will simply remedy itself. It never will.

I have to apologize for the people that this move hurt. I know there are some that are upset by my choices but I had stopped living for myself and placed myself into someone else's shawdow, losing who I was and forgetting what it was like to be Allie. I became something I wasn't and that wasn't good for me or for them. So, here I am...back and bad and bitchy as ever before.

Wheeeee......

Thanks Tara, you mean the world to me girlie. I couldn't be more indebted to you for finding this place for me and my little family. Anything you need, even the body dump, let me know. Living in the Pier has taught me well, hahaha. Cheers to you, lovey, for being a rock, for being a sistaaa, for being the best. Ahhh...MUSH!!

For The Great White Way upstairs...thanks for making the move interesting with your Tweedle-Dee attitude, inability to take responsibility for yourself or your children, your bunt and waddle. Oh my, what the fuck is up with you? You make me shake my head and wonder about the human race. I only ask one thing: please move that damn white chair so I don't have to kick it again. And please, don't stop being an asshat, you make life that much more interesting for us silly, bored single mothers who watch you stumble through life thinking criminals and whores are the salt of the earth...good job, great example.

Since I making my great acceptance speech here, I can't forget the people who win over angry two-year-olds, push freezers, break down boxes, hang mailboxes, encourage walking, jack cable, watch cartoons, do dishes, sweep floors, babysit, talk, teach and make me crazy. It's good to know there is kindness in strangers and I know unequivocally, 100% and without doubt that the kindness isn't a front but something that makes up who you really are. Look at that, only a week and these people got me gushing like an idiot.

Gushing or not I'm still going to be guarded. I know that. I know that my trust is going to be hard to win now no matter who it is that I'm getting to know -- friend or foe. I know that I'm burned, I'm broken and I'm healing. I'm just as vulnerable as I am strong. Just as hardcore as I am a softie. Oh crap. I'm fucked in the head and can't tell which end is up. Tits up and looking at the sky maybe, saying a little prayer and giggling at my nerves and freedom. I'm scared shitless and I'm so damn excited about it.

Hooray for new adventures!!