For all you gossip-hungry asshats -- This should satisfy your need...

I have been asked a few times now what exactly, is it that I want. That's one hell of a vague question. I want a pony, an ice cream machine, an original vinyl copy of The Wall and many other things. Then I realize that people mean what do I want from life, either at this moment or in the future. Blah, I hate that question. Things are so left up to chance and fate with a few reams of shithouse luck thrown in that I tell them that whatever way the wind decides to blow, that's where I'll end up and if it's not what I want, I'll just stand in the breeze again.

I attribute people's curiousity with my life to this huge change I just made. Yes, I just moved back to my hometown after five years of living away. Yes, I just ended a six year relationship with the father of two of my three children and no, I don't want to tell you why. Yes, I'm planning on staying a fully employed single mother of three and no, I don't want to get into why about that one either. Holy nosy people I have around me. I'm pretty open and give me about ten minutes, I'll probably start spilling out some bullshit for you to satisfy your gossip-hungry asses. Happy now?

Anyway, here are some answers to some of the questions I have been asked of late and, unable to answer, only responded with a huff and an eyeroll:

No, I don't really like my job. I'm basically working to gain experience until I find something else because the travel sucks and so does the pay. No, I don't really like my boss, I'm just really damn good at pretending. She's alright I guess, she's a good person on some levels but I wish someone would teach her how to either accept responsibilty or place blame tactfully. There, that's answered.

No, I certainly do not want a boyfriend/husband. Forget it. A relationship is the last damn thing on my mind right now. Sure, company is fantastic but something serious? C'mon people, I have three kids that need their mother more than ever right now, I'm certainly not taking myself away from them to build a relationship with someone who is most likely going to break my heart anyway. Besides, would it really be fair for me to ask a man with no children of his own to give up their hopes of having kids to be with me? Is it really fair that I'm hesitant to see a man with kids of his own because I worry about our families being able to get along? Is it fair to ask a man who doesn't want any children to accept mine?

Yes, being a single mother sucks. Why do you even ask if I enjoy it? Sure, I enjoy paying all the bills myself, tackling naps and bedtimes and babysitter drama all alone. I enjoy being the only one helping with homework and hair bows and screaming tantrums. I love it that I'm the only one who gets to see nice notes from the teachers at school, pictures left for me on the fridge, the kisses, the hugs, the walking and talking and all the firsts. It's great having no one to share that with...sure...fuck. I'm cranky and sarcastic.

And finally, yes. The answer to whether or not I'm happy is a big, yellow, high-lighted, outlined, 72 font YES. I'm sure there will come a time where I will change jobs or get a promotion and the job thing will look up. I'm sure I'm not going to be single forever, although it's going to take one hell of a man to make me change my mind and I really do love being a mom, single or otherwise.

I guess what I'm saying is this: Leave me alone, I'm happy and content and just as goofy as ever. I know this is one post that's a little more on the serious side and trust me, I'm hating that it's like this since I prefer to blog about things that are completely mundane and rediculous but I just couldn't help it tonight. I really needed to get that off my chest. So, there you go Asshats, all the gossip fodder you need for awhile....chew on that but remember that I hope you choke.