Still Trying to Figure This Out …

I’ve come full circle and I’m considering dating again.  I gave up for a while for some emotional growth, taking stock in myself and pretty much trying to get my airport trolley of emotional baggage in check.  I think I might be coming on the outskirts of “No-Fuckin’-Way” to the highway of “Maybe-They’re-Not-All-Bad” in the great world of Dating in the galaxy of Men. 

But it seems to me that dating has a whole list of rules and regulations that I just didn’t get the memo about before I became single again.  There are rules regarding phone calls that no one seems to agree on.  Things  like when you call someone back, how much calling is too much, what time to call, how much time passes in between, whether or not you take turns, and on and on. 

Then there are the regulations on how often to see each other which is aptly followed by at which exact point do you stop seeing other people.  Is it three dates, four, never until you both agree to change your Facebook relationship status?  Do you have to sleep together first to test the bedroom compatibility factor?  Is he your boyfriend once you sleep with him?  No, I didn’t think so because that would leave a lot of messy one night stands and a one night stand is a whole other ball of wax.

Then there is the pesky sex-factor that lingers over you.  We all know a man will hop in bed at the first inclination of nookie but there is the problem of us women holding the responsibility of figuring out the right time, if there ever is a right time.  Alright that was me painting men with a broad spectrum brush but the majority will hop in bed at just the mere hint of it.  There is only one person I know that could completely control himself and it would be hard for me to explain him right now as he would be a completely different post.  No, he wasn’t gay in the least, we’ll just say that he greatly enjoyed having control.  I greatly enjoyed having him around.

I’m way off on the beginning of a BDSM tangent that I would prefer to stay away from.  It leaves me at this:  sex ruins everything, makes you question everything, the whole relationship, the whole dynamic of what was going on.  At the same time that it’s ruining everything, it’s making things better because it can also solidify you, give you the appreciation you crave and be a way to passionately show someone what you feel for them.  Oh my, that became way too mushy for my taste at the moment.  BUT, you see my conundrum here … sex ruins it, makes it better, complicates it and puts value to it.  The problem is that it’s misused, mishandled, misunderstood, undervalued, devalued and dishevelled.  Well, with any luck you’ll be dishevelled when it’s done. 

So, here I am.  Single and Dating.  I despise those words as much as they excite me.  I wish I could take all these little quips I’m hearing about dating behaviour and throw them all out of the window.  I’m coming to the conclusion that there really aren’t any rules and if someone doesn’t like you, fuck it, they don’t like you – move on.  If someone does like you, they’ll let you know.  It can be hard to swallow the bitterness and it can be humiliating to walk around with your heart on your sleeve but if you stay hidden, no one will find you. 

The rules that I have found are:  honesty, laugh at yourself, laugh with them, don’t be pushy to be with them, don’t back away either, stay single until you know who you are and what it is you really and honestly want in your life, take your time to make sure they’re the right person to compliment your life and not become your life, have fun and don’t give yourself labels like “bar star” or allow yourself to believe that sex equates love.

That’s my after school special for the day, thanks for tuning in.