Knick Knacks: I ate Santa, I dipped him in tea & bit off his leg...

I ate Santa Claus. I created him and then I ate him. I spent a good two hours with my girls building a house of sugar and icing for him, making a home and a life for him. I gladly let it set and get ready while I made sure he was dressed in the best sugar-coated candy clothes, matching his sugar-coated candy hat. What a sight. What an amazing little man.

I put him on top of the fridge when we were finished with him so he could rest and enjoy his new place. He was quite happy up there in his little house covered in jelly beans and candy. He seemed excited at the prospect of having a snowman for a roommate and a beautiful Christmas tree in his yard. I am a horrible person though and gave the snowman and tree to my girls where they were promptly devoured and enjoyed in all their gingerbread goodness.

My heart ached for Santa and I couldn't stand to see him go too so I left him. I walked away from his home on top of the fridge and put my babies to bed, enjoyed some movies with a good friend and eventually went to bed.

That's when it happened...

My stomach growled and twisted, I knew it was time. This was a moment I knew was inevitable but yet, I still dreaded it. I swiftly arose from my bed and padded into the kitchen, turning on the kettle and trying to avoid eye contact. When I finally did look up what I saw changed my feelings about poor Santa Claus. There he was in all his glory with legs and ass hanging over the top of the fridge practically ready to jump into my mug of steaming hot tea. I reached up, over my head and straight to Santa's little legs, grabbing him and pulling him down to me. I swivelled around and glided back to my room and sat at my desk. I looked at him, smiling up at me with his silly grin and the rest is history. There is nothing left but crumbs and I swept those up this morning.

I ate Santa Claus.

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Okay people...that has got to be one of the worst things I have ever written....