Cranky Slurred Attempt at Remembering My Point

This is my new PMS driven cranky post. I've been avoiding writing for the passed few weeks because there's been a lot going on: I haven't been feeling well which isn't unusual plus the passing of a lovely neighbour that left us all shocked and a lot of other confusing, dark and twisted things. I'm tired. Don't get me wrong, it's not all bad considering my amazing beautiful friends, The Mister, my strange and wonderful children and my now FOUR precious cats (that is no particular order of importance). They keep me supported and strong and smiling. 

There are endless lists of things I need to do, bills I need to pay, appointments I need to attend and getting my brain to remember even half of those is a battle in itself. In fact, today was the second day in a row where I was called because I was currently missing an appointment. Go me!  It makes me worry, I forget way too much lately and I don't know where to place the blame ... stress? sickness? overwhelming amount of crap?  I'd say a little from each column. 

I'm looking for a new, more affordable apartment and was lucky enough to find one in the building that a friend of mine lives in. Ground floor, lots of space, heat included in the more reasonable rent and a better neighbourhood. I filled out the application, provided my incredible references and now I sit here waiting to be denied. I forgot that my old, pervert landlord (see previous entry) has my credit screwed and now I'm embarrassed that I even filled out the application. I should be sticking to small privately owned flats in hopes that someone will take some pity on me. I thought I had a sublet a couple of months ago but, turned out they knew Mayez and let the tenant I was going to take over from know that if I showed up at the building, they'd have me arrested. Rapist: 1, me: 0.  

I've been passing my time cleaning, scooping poop and making mental lists of things I desperately want to remember to put into a list of things I'm tired of hearing, along with trying to remember appointments and phone calls that need to be made. I'm having a hard time with memory and, although laughable at times, it's getting annoying. 

For example, I completely forget what the point of this post was. I had it all mapped out when I was in the shower, I had specific topics to vent about and a point to make. Gone. Forgotten. I'll remember again sometime around 3am followed by telling myself I'll write it in the morning to which I'll just simply trot through the day and then once again remember when I'm in the middle of a shower. I figure that as long as I remember the important things, like to feed the kids and where I live, I'll be okay. 

C'mon, laugh. I'm having a wonderful giggle at my own expense. 

OH! I remember! I am not drunk!  Let's elaborate shall we: I have good days and bad days. I have trouble with memory and that includes trying to have a conversation because I sometimes lose my train of thought or have a hard time getting the thought from my brain and out of my mouth, that connection breaks. Add to that the fact that if I'm tired or fatigued, my speech slurs and we have a recipe for disaster. I'm slowly becoming reclusive because of this issue and because I know people assume I have been drinking. The people close to me get it but try going to Tim Horton's in the morning with the toonie you found in a parking lot, walking up to the counter and totally forgetting how to articulate what it is that you want to order. Some of my conversations with the Mister go like this:

"I had this wonderful idea where if we take that thing out to that place where we can, you know (I'm flailing in hopes that somehow my constantly moving gimp hands will help me form words) shoot or whatever, we can figure out how to make the thingy we were talking about the other day."

In my brain, I have everything I want to say but my mouth just refuses to do it, I legitimately forget how to articulate a thought. Luckily for me, the Mister smiles and responds: 

"If we drive to the range we can see the other frames people built to hang targets so we can build our own?"

Yes!

It's a small victory, a giggle followed by trying to figure out how the hell he figured that out. He speaks my language of doo-dads, thingy-ma-bobbers and quigger-jiggers. I am incredibly thankful for that and text messages. Texts are easy, I can stop and think about what I'm trying to say. Turns out my thumbs are smarter than my tongue. 

I am off on a weird tangent and I honestly don't think my memory was the point of the post. Feminism maybe, the plight of being a single mother and trying to be taken seriously but that is a long ass rant for another day. I'm in too good of a mood now after having a little laugh. 

Time for tea and relax time with my little people. 

PS: I didn't proofread this, please forgive my atrocious grammar.