Needles, Headaches and Dammit! I'm Standing Up!!

I'm finally sitting up with only minimal head pain.  I had the big finale of tests this passed Thursday, the needle in the spine, the lumbar puncture.  My nerves were shot for the majority of the days leading up to it and finally on the morning of, I was a wreck.  They were putting a needle in between the vertebrae of my spine to steal my cerebrospinal fluid for testing and I was not really happy about the whole ordeal.  Sure it's the last test on the list but:  NEEDLE IN MY SPINE!!  All told, I ended up with twelve freezing needles and two in the spine.  It felt as gross as you think it did. Blech.

Once I arrived at the hospital and met my nurse I was almost immediately at a slight ease but still wringing my hands.  Normally tests don't make me nervous but this one did so, with the doctor's permission, she gave me a lovely dose of lorazepam and left me to grin until the neurologist arrived for the test so I sat texting everyone I knew furiously and staring at my feet swinging over the side of the bed.  I should not have watched the procedure on YouTube.  It doesn't look that bad but, it's a damn needle in my spine.  I think I'm still freaking out.

Happy pre-procedure with Ativan, johnny shirt & Chucks.

Aaaand what the final result of a lumbar puncture looks like.  Yuck!

There is also the fact that I'm still nursing a "spinal headache", a side effect of the procedure.  Basically if I'm standing up or sitting upright, my head is pounding.  I'd equate it to a migraine because light and sound hurt but I think I'd be putting down the power of the mighty migraine as I've never had one to compare.  All I know is that I'd rather have a fork jammed in my temple than feel that pain.  Yes, yes I know I can take ibuprofen or acetaminophen but it doesn't help.  The only thing that rids the melon of the throbbing spinal headache is to lay down.  Once I'm horizontal, I feel like a million dollars and can take on the world.  

Three days in bed is enough, I need to move before I fuse to the sheets and farther than just the school and back or answering the door for take-out.  I did force myself up today, swallowed more ibuprofen than I care to admit before tackling a shower and the weekly Sunday Big Breakfast.  I felt great bumbling into the bathroom with clean clothes and towels, excited for the hot water and fun smells.  By the time I was rinsing the shampoo out of my hair I couldn't keep my eyes open because the light hurt so much and the noise of the fan was, well I wanted to suffer the noise of the gun shot to make it stop.  I suffered through conditioner and getting washed while hoping to get my ass to bed before I had to start Big Breakfast but no.

I hopped out of the shower to a text that my regular Sunday morning guest was coming a little earlier.  That was fine as I still thought I had time for a quick lay down before I started cooking until I saw what the munchkins had managed to do to the kitchen while I was in the shower.  There was at least one load for the dishwasher, the floor needed a severe sweeping and mop while the table and counters were also in need of a scrub.  I sighed, I sat and I put three little people to work.  I was pleasantly surprised that these three who normally do their best to become my housework nemesis happily chipped in and helped clean the mess in the kitchen.  My kids, outside of their constant sibling fighting, really are thoughtful and awesome.

The bacon was a little burned, the sausages were a little extra greasy and the pancakes were unusual but edible at best.  I cooked, swallowed more ibuprofen, put my head down on the table, cleaned up and kept going.  I did it.  With a three day headache I managed to accomplish Sunday Big Breakfast, survived three squealing kids who take the words "Mom isn't feeling good, please be whisper quiet today" as a challenge of who has the highest volume and a lovely man loudly discussing the finer points of pistols and whiskey over a breakfast I didn't have the stomach for.

I wouldn't change it for the world, not one moment.  

I'm one step closer to full diagnosis, treatment and getting my hands back to at least some use.  I was shown just how much Lily, Chloe and Everett do care and reaffirmed how much I'm thankful that I have such thoughtful babies.  Plus I was able to be distracted by someone who enjoys the same things as I do, teaches me a lot of new things and isn't afraid to make fun of my spastic arm.  Through all that pain and feeling like my eyes were trying to escape my head, I couldn't help but smile and laugh and be at peace, happy in the moment surrounded by people I care about.

I really am a lucky girl.

THE BREAKFAST
(Yes, the whiskey was included.)