Like A Kid Who Lost Their Nintendo ...

There is no delicate way to say this except to say, "holy shit it's hot today".  I'm cowered in my little apartment fighting with voice recognition software to try to write something to pass the time.  Fans and cold water are doing nothing to fight a "feels like" temperature of forty degrees.  Environment Canada's website is telling me there is a risk of thunder showers this afternoon and so, as I write this, I'm also saying a little prayer of sorts that at some point I will hear those blessed thunder bangs, a music in it's own right.

I know you're asking yourselves why don't I just jump on a bus and go to a beach or find a friend with a pool or sit on the balcony in the breeze I can see pushing the trees around.  The answer is simple: I'm not allowed.  I'd love to be able to get out of this stifling apartment and into the summer but it's simply not in the cards.  My doctor made it very clear during my last appointment by pointing out some of the symptoms I complained about that led them to scan my big ole melon in a giant magnet.  Kind of went like this:

Dr. Practical:  "Don't be out in the heat and humidity.  Try to stay inside until it cools off."

Me:  "Why? If it's a nice day I'd like to go out and enjoy it, even for a little while.  Go for a swim, maybe a hike."  (I'm smiling and dreaming a little at this point.)

DP:  "Photosensitivity. You burned in SPF100.  Your skin can't handle UVs even with protection.  Plus you got a sunburn on your legs through your bedroom window the last time I saw you, remember?"

Me: "Right."  (That was duh moment.)

DP:  "Don't forget the fatigue you get when you're overheated.  I know you're going to ask me and my answer is already a big N-O to energy drinks.  Those things make your tremors worse and you know how much your hands and legs swell in the heat so be prepared to lose more dexterity and have your symptoms amplified on the hotter days.  You'll be fine once you cool down and if it doesn't let up once you've cooled off for a few days in a row, call me right away since you could be having a relapse."  (Why is she still smiling?)

Me:  "Yeah, I know.  Cold water and a big hat?"  (Her cheery optimistic tone and sound advice has me a little defeated at this point so yeah, I'm sinking into the chair, pouting like a kid who lost Nintendo privileges and squeaking out my question that I already know the answer to.)

DP:  "Cold water and stay in the house.  Find something to do that doesn't require a lot of exertion so do your housework at night or first thing in the early morning and try to rest during the day or only work until you start feeling tired.  Stay inside though, especially during the hottest parts of the day.  Rainy, cloudy and cooler days though, enjoy the shit out of those ones."

Me:  "Got it, Captain."

That appointment left me feeling quite defeated.  These were symptoms of summer that I've had for almost as long as I can remember with the only exception being that now I can attribute them to something specific.  Then it hit me like a ton of bricks while I was skulking at home, pacing with my lip sticking out after the appointment, I really can blame all of this on something now and I don't have to feel like the resident gimped up freak who has two colours:  lobster red and Casper white.  Seriously people, I'm so white that I'm almost translucent. 

Put it this way, there have been times where I've been invited places or asked to do things that I knew I just couldn't do which would elicit the "she's so lazy" responses from people along with the looks of disbelief and the accusations of faking it so I wouldn't have to do anything.  I think I became known as a Master of Avoidance and Mistress of Excuses.  Well, neurological science bitches!  I'm not ashamed anymore or confused as to what the hell is wrong with me and I really don't owe anyone an explanation to begin with.  

I've come to the conclusion that I'm not trapped inside for the summer, I just have to rearrange my schedule. I'm not limited in what I can do, I just have to find some new ways to do them.  It's a new challenge and even though I didn't really get much of choice to accept it or not, I'm game for the next chapter.

Oh my fuck this heat sucks though ...