Quite the Intricate Entanglement This Is…

Complications??  Oh there are so many complications.  There is so much I want to spew and spill and discuss and open up about BUT it’s way too personal.  Too much is too close and I will end up telling too many secrets.  I’m good at that.  Just feed me rum and I tell all.  Yes, there is more to that story but we’re not touching it.  Sorry. 

I do need to vent a little tonight and this is the place I seem to love the most.  At least going back and reading these silly things when my head is a little clearer I can see my immaturity and stupidity which allows me to correct myself.  And sometimes, most times, I find that I need to trust my own instincts and follow what my gut told me to do in the first place. 

I’m just trying to piece together the last few months and stop my head from spinning so I can finally get a grip and decide whether or not to throw up my hands in a disappointed, catastrophic fit of defeat.  I need to decide whether or not to cut my losses and bail out completely or just ride out the storm and see what comes.  In the end it really comes down to which is the more respectable avenue of choice. 

You see, my conundrum is this:  I’m almost enjoying this ride.  I’m almost enjoying the spinning head and everything that is coming with it.  However, the ride has to eventually come to an end, the spinning has to slow because fantasy and reality never mix, never touch and most certainly leave us confused and burned and out of control.  But cutting my losses leaves me at a great loss and waiting it out could also lead to a great personal cost.  Do I beat the inevitable to the punch and jump off the rollercoaster?  At what point does this personal sacrifice become too great?

Decisions.  Decisions.  Hate those damn decisions.