The Definition of Chivalry

chiv·al·ry /ˈʃɪvəlri/ Pronunciation Key [shiv-uhl-ree]

–noun, plural -ries for 6.
1. the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms.

6. Archaic. a chivalrous act; gallant deed.


[Origin: 1250–1300; ME chivalrie <>chevalier + -ie -y3]


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Courtesy. Generosity. Love. Honesty. Respect. Decency.

Those are some words that carry a lot of weight.

I have come to learn that being chivalrous is lost on most these days. It's sad when you think about how much is gone between people who are supposed to love each other. People arguing and fighting with no consideration or respect for one another. It's not fair or right that we have no commonality, no decency, no understanding anymore. Relationships, of all kinds, need an old fashioned kick in the ass.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not talking about the way men treat women, but how men and women relate to one another. Chivalry goes both ways, in my humble opinion. I've been in some really rocky, crazy relationships and each time I've been wondering where is my knight in shining armour, who is going to rescue me. I'm not completely in the clouds, I know there is no such thing, there really is no perfect man. I'm not a perfect woman, I have faults and flaws and so, I wouldn't expect any less in someone else. I think it's the faults and flaws which, when coupled with annoying habits, make us who we are -- individuals worthy of all those heavy words listed above.

I think we really need to learn how to respect one another. Respect is something that's lacking in our society. We're focused on ourselves and making our own little world better with things, material possessions that we think should be markers of our worth as people, that we become overprotective and in love with wood and microchips more than we are with positive attitudes and warm hugs. We're all guilty of playing the "who has the bigger balls" or faster cars, or better computers, bigger bathrooms. This doesn't have to lower us to be completely materialistic beings.

When I think about relationships, the romantic kind, I always think about my parents. I think about how I never heard them fight, argue or complain about one another. There was always love and affection, praise and understanding. I miss that...a lot. They held hands even after over forty years of marriage. They said they loved each other every day no matter what kind of day the other was having. My father was truly a chivalrous man. He cornered the market on every one of my heavy words and didn't even have to try, he was naturally good natured, caring man. I miss him a lot. He makes me believe in Knights in Shining Armour because to my Mom, he was one. He was a hero to every one of us girls. No matter what we broke, he could fix it...from broken toys to broken hearts. He supported us every way he could and asked nothing in return but to give him a hug before bed.

Mom was just as amazing. I couldn't have asked for better parents, even under the circumstances to which I was born. If you know me, you know the story, there's no point in getting into it here. She was a beautiful woman, just as kind and gentle as my father. She was accepting and loyal and loved her family unconditionally. I think about being a rotten teenager and wonder how she didn't throw me away but she was a figher. She never gave up on me and I thank her for that everyday. I miss her more as the years go by, watching my own children grow up. I wish they could know her and hear her laugh, see her standing in the kitchen with the rollars in her hair and telling you how proud she was of you, even for the smallest thing as cleaning your room without being asked first.

They loved each other. They respected each other and treated each other with dignity and understanding. I want to find that some day. I would like to have someone holding my hand until the day I die, that makes me laugh, that makes me comfortable and safe. Even on an unromantic, platonic level, don't we want that from all the relationships we build? Someone who you can trust and love without inhabitions of emotion. Free to feel the way you want at any time you want. Someone who you can vent to on the bad days, cry with on the sad days, laugh with on the good ones and scream together when the world is out to get you.

It seems we're all searching for that relationship, whether it's a friend or lover. I just think that if we're going to be able to find the person we're looking for we should, in turn, exude the personality traits we value. We should act kindly, be gentle and courteous if we wish for someone to do the same. We really do reap what we sow.