LIttle White Lies from a Purple Haired Lady

I'm hanging out at home for a little while today so I figured I'd get to bloggin'. Not sure exactly what I'm going to write about so I think I'll wing it. Wait...I always wing it. I don't think I ever really popped online to blog with a specific topic in mind. Maybe I did. I think I may be inhaling too much monkey farts....it's incense. I bought it from etsy.com which is my secret addiction.

Little Man Meatball is bouncing in his saucer and yelling. He is full of drool and I'm think I'll have to change his shirt for the fifth time today. The girls are upstairs cleaning their room. I feel bad because I told them that if they cleaned their room a rockstar might visit. Little White Lies. I'm sure I can convince them I'm a rock star. I mean, I do have a big tattoo and play a weird instrument (didgeridoo) and Miss Lily marvels at my ability to sing almost every song on TV/radio (it's a talent).

So, no one tell Big Cranky about the Pop Tart crumbs on the keyboard. I'm trying to think of a way to blame him.

I joined Curves. Yup. The Goddess of Glutton, the Mistress of Sloth, the leader of the famed group Sedentary Devotees, has joined a gym. My fat clothes are tight and I really don't want to buy new fat clothes. Big and Beautiful? Damn right!! Big and Healthy?? HELL NO!! It's time to put the burger down. Curves is great, I have to admit that I'm really enjoying it. I look forward to my half-hour on the circuit and didn't realize just how good I'd feel when I left after a workout. The best part was that the lady who taught me to use the machines has rolls too!! It was great. I didn't feel so disgusted because all the women who are there are there for exactly the same reasons I am....to be healthy and spend a long life antagonizing our children.

My goal used to be the crazy, tattooed old lady who hung around the benches at the mall but it's changed. I am now going to embarrass my kids. I fully intend to fart around their friends, show embarrassing baby pictures, tell the same bad joke repeatedly, tell insane stories from their childhood, tell everyone about the snow up to the telephone polls and how I used to dye my hair purple on purpose.

Honestly, I just want to be around long enough to enjoy my babies, see them graduate, get married, make a life for themselves and eventually give me little grandbabies to spoil rotten.

Whoo...almost got mushy there....phew...